Layers

If we each peel back the layers of self, perception and how we interact we can see that life is very simple. It goes on without us, with us and in spite of what we think. I've arrived back to California without many expectations, just armed with hope.

During this last month I've learned a few things about other people and myself. The startling thing is that in the end it only really matters how I love and learn.

So the job hunt continues, it's similar to having a job that you just don't want to roll out of bed to do. It really is exhausting! So I look at the little things to be grateful for, internet that works, and beautiful house(s) that I've been lucky to stay at. A cell phone that kinda works and so many people that are cheering me on.

I am grateful.

And now...

I've had a chance to reconnect with friends, and meet some new people since returning back to the States and it's been so fantastic. So many people have greeted me with love and welcomed me back into the fold. I've had a chance to remember why I call them friends. The new friends have been so kind and helpful, extending themselves in many personal ways to help me along my journey. I am infinitely grateful.

So I continue to job hunt in the Bay Area and travel the beautiful coast of California in search of my next stop. I've been a bit of gypsy, enviable by some, living out of my suitcases and waiting to settle in. It's about having a deeper understanding I guess. You never really know until you've lived it. I can put a check mark next to the gypsy archetype....

A deep sigh...

I've been back for less than 3 weeks now and am adjusting slowly. I have a lot to be grateful for, the kindness and generosity of Allyson and Michael is humbling. I actually don't know what I would have done without them. And now I head off to get my car back from John who has generously stored it for 10 months now. These three people are made of solid gold. I've spent the majority of my time on the internet looking for places to land and work. Not easy in this economy but tomorrow I have a phone interview and I'm hopeful. It isn't the perfect restoration job that one fantasizes about but...it's a job which I need desperately. What to do first, find a place to live or a job? That has been the big question so I am tackling it by doing them simultaneously. On a more personal note, it looks as though I might have a boyfriend. I met Michael before I left for Florence and throughout my stay in Italy we grew closer. I've spent the last 2 weekends with him and now we are considering moving in together. Yup...after almost 12 years I might actually have a boyfriend. It's all a bit complicated but we are working at it. So off I go from Allyson's extremely gracious hospitality...next stop John's house and then to Stephanie's. (This photo is Michael and I...)

Boy do I want to unpack my suitcases!

11 days left

The countdown continues on my departure from Florence and it's filled with happiness, sadness and apprehension. I don't have a job, or a place to live but I am trying to have some faith in the skills of the Universe to guide me to the right place.
So much has happened since I left California that I'm not sure how bad the culture shock is going to be. I find myself a bit slow on the uptake when someone is speaking english to me in public that I come off as kinda daft. I can understand Italian pretty well now, but speaking it is still hit and miss. The most dramatic part in all this for me is amount I've learned is such a short period of time, personally and about art. A friend told me the other day that I won't fully understand how I've changed and how this experience has effected my perception for a while and I think he is right. Florence has been such an intense experience and even before I've left I reflect on it constantly.
I have so much to be grateful for, so many wonderful people have come into my life because of it that in some ways it feels surreal. I leave behind here in Florence 2 wonderful people that I wish I had more time with, Nenad and Camilla. Both are art restorers and I have learned so much from them and enjoyed their company as people beyond words.
One of the most important parts of this experience is one relationship in particular. When I left California, Mike and I were part time lovers and friends. Since I've been in Florence he has stuck by me through the whole thing and our relationship has developed into something really wonderful. I don't know what will happen when I get back but I am hopeful that closing the distance will bring about an even richer experience of love.
These days I sigh deeply, taking in the sights, sounds (often construction and sirens) and tastes of Florence. I will miss living in this city of beauty even if it does often smell kinda nasty. Every corner here offers a surprise, an opportunity to look and celebrate.

The job hunt

I has begun.

I am finding that the conservation field is like some secret society and I haven't learned the hand shake! It isn't like restoration studios utilize web sites like so many other professions, in fact there is almost none considering how many places are probably out there. And it seems like they are very interested in keep the gate keepers of information firmly in place.
So we are all writing emails, sending out applications but then...we wait and there isn't even a courtesy reply. It is all yet another learning experience.
I started looking in the Bay Area but quickly realized that I might need to seriously consider living in whatever state I can get a job in. Not really what I had hoped for because I was hoping to live within driving range of the kids but since I have such an enormous student loan to pay off, I might not have a choice.

No wonder people continue at school into their Phd...it is comfortable to stay at school and not enter the work force.

45

I almost forgot...I turned 45!

Some age changes hit you and other go unnoticed. This one is coming at a time of complete transition and seems to be effecting my self perception. I am having little pods of self doubt that are actually effecting how I interact with the world. I find myself "pondering" those unproductive and destructive questions..."why would anyone hire you? why would anyone date you?" I fully know its is the side effect of so much transition and I can't say that it is completely unhelpful but...arrrrggghhh....it might not be the healthiest mind loop to ever play in my head.

I might not fully understand what this experience, and birthday have done to me until I can stand in front of my friends back in CA. Sometimes the best mirror is a friend. Here is the fantastic birthday dessert that they made me...

Job Hunting

I know that it feels like half of the US is job hunting right now and the economy sucks but I am finding that the restoration and conservation community is much more secretive then I anticipated. They don't advertise or have a web presence. They don't post jobs on regular sites and even the official organizations have outdated information on their websites!

How is a person supposed to infiltrate the system I ask? I have now started to systematically email strangers in hopes of a response! I had to create a table in a word document to keep track of who I send what because it seems so abstract. I've now read how to write every kind of resume and cover letter that is posted in every how to website and I feel like a cartoon character that has all those lovely symbols floating over their head as they lay slumped.

But I will continue to try...like everyone else...and maybe I'll be able to slip in under the barbed wire fence, avoid the motion detectors and run past the snarling dogs to enter the sacred kingdom of restoration!

All Pau!

School is done, in the bag, finished....phew...that was intense.

For 8 months I have spent almost all my time with the same 9 people. It wasn't like the standard friendships formed during the normal academic course because you took every class together. We ate together, studied together and occasionally when time allowed hung out together. Normal academic life is so different than what I experienced here. The semester is a nice pace, and you see your friends occasionally in some of your classes...not here. Here it is a tiny room where all your classes are, the same 10 people from 9-7pm some days, 5 days a week and the other 2 days you are in the library with some of your classmates working.

Not sure if I'd really driven the concept home but I'll try one more time...together in very close quarters for 8 months! There enough said in an attempt to build the context.

I haven't posted any photos of them here on my blog because I do respect their privacy, but I did want to make mention of their brilliance. Of course I didn't get along with everyone, but the half of the class that I spent my time with are fantastic. One in fact is spending the next 2 weeks here in my little studio before she goes off to France.

So for the record, my experience was made up of not only an education in restoration but also shaped by a dedicated and over achieving (in a good way) group of individuals that I will always remember with warmth and fondness. Some I hope to keep in close touch with and others I will be happy to see at events and conferences. But they have been such a big part of my experience here that it would be remiss of me not to mention them and I will miss them.

Thanks fellow Post-Bacc Conservation students 2009/2010...

Siena

I finally got to take a day trip to Siena. I have many of the photos posted on my Flickr account and still doing some editing on others.

Siena is magic. There is no other way to describe it. It is a frozen moment in time in many ways. No high tech antennas sticking off roof tops, no zooming cars moving down the streets, and even not much public transportation. Every corner you turn is a gift from the city, and in many ways it is much more beautiful than Florence.

Can you tell I fell in love with Siena. I do wish I had more time there because it is more than one full day of sight seeing. So if I return to Italy some day I hope I can spend more time there and maybe even make it to Venice...Venice is waiting for a time I can travel with someone romantic I think.

I'll patiently wait.

entertainment

There is a fantastic theater here that plays english language movies that is extremely beautiful. I haven't much of an opportunity to go, but when you do it seems like quite the event just because of the atmosphere. I did see "the Adventures of Mr. Fox" there a few days ago with a few friends. A great movie with witty and cunning dialog but I'm not sure most kids get the majority of what is being said.

Here is the link to the fantastic and very unique movie house...

http://www.cinehall.it/pagine/congressi.html

tireless effort

Here is a photo of my thesis helper Mike and I the night before he left...He has been tirelessly editing and proofing my thesis for me on the technical end. I understand now why I do NOT like Microsoft Word and happily would rather be using a design program.

But...I will triumph!!!!

no time

I haven't had much time for posting to this blog or anything else but school work...it's getting close to the end! I am swamped with a thesis, a didactic panel, a movie/slideshow and I just finished a science presentation. I still have reports to finish and I also just finished some restoration work on the computer...life of a post-bacc student. It's all fantastic work, and I am enjoying it but there is little time do much else.

On top of it I think I need to find some time to job search...as it stands right now I might be extending my time here in Italy to get in some extra practical hours if all works out. Fingers can't be crossed about my future because I won't get any typing done. Here is a shot I did at the paper restorers studio...I do love going there!

fresco fresco fresco

We are doing a specific technique in fresco class called lime white. We are doing it old school so we trace the picture with stylist impressing the image into the mortar and then using pigment outline...later we paint. So here is my project, one of the few things I do at school that I can actually post. Here are the three stages and the final product.

aarrrgh the noise

On monday I awoke to stone chiseling outside my window AND inside my building. I am thinking it might be a metaphor of some sort of life changing thing but I haven't had enough sleep to care much. I wish I could be one of those people that can sleep with a pillow over my head but I'm not. Like Mike did when he was here...I don't even think he knows I took this photo.

Virtual Restoration

I was lucky to have a classmate tell the paper restorer that I am writing my thesis on virtual restoration. He had a few projects lying around the studio that I could work on and it has been fantastic. Here is a little piece of the first one I did. I'll leave the details out but I have to say it is pretty incredible to get to work on something so incredibly historical...and that might get auctioned at one of the biggest auction houses in the world...

Mike's visit

It's been great having him here. He has put in some time helping me with my thesis and weeding through the technicals with me. It has helped that he has been here before, so there isn't a sense of urgency to do all the tourist things. In fact he had an allergy attack which turned into a bit of a cold so we stayed in a LOT of the time.

We did however manage to wander over to Nenad's studio (paper restoration) and have a few fantastic afternoon's there digging through all this stuff...the best show and tell I've ever been too. I am working on a few projects with him and now I regret more than ever not having paper as an independent study course.

So it's the home stretch of 5 weeks until I finish school. I have so much due in the next month that there won't be any time for getting out in Florence. What little free time I have should probably be spent finding a job...arrrgghhh....and I have to decide when to come back and where I'm going to stay.

I know it's supposed to be about being here and letting the rest work itself out but that is easier said when you have a home. Oh well...I need to have a little faith right?

The knight arrives...

Mike is coming to visit and will be here for 10 days to help me with my thesis over my break. Of course coming to Florence has other benefits but I'm pretty excited to see him...and actually take a little break from all the work. In fact it's kinda hot to think that I'll have some help with it all. Making sense of the technology is slowing me down a bit so I'm hoping he can help me make some sense of it.

He also got me in contact with one of his friend from Adobe and fingers crossed he can help as well. I did just see a fantastic thesis done by someone a few years ago and it made me gulp...aaarrrggghhh....the stress of it all!!!

So maybe soon I'll have some new photos of me here in Florence since I won't be the only one with a camera.

One morning

I woke up and looked out the window and a drunk was passed out right in the MIDDLE of the piazza. We have 2 tunnels on either side of him and yet he managed to fall asleep right there.

A few seconds later I was a bit horrified to think that maybe he wasn't actually breathing...but 2 guys went up and got him up but it took a good deal of prompting.

Funny the surprises you can encounter without even leaving your apartment.

Almost time for a break...

I haven't had much time to post and write here but that in no way reflects what has been going on. It has been complete chaos and constant since school started up again. Classes getting shifted, add a few in on Saturdays and keeping us until 7pm. But it's been great. So I thought I would post something I did on Thursday in fresco class so you can indeed see that I actually produce "something".

I have been typing my ass off trying to get my thesis underway, my presentation done and all the reports done. I got a great opportunity to work with a book restorer last week and hopefully he will have a little hands on work for me coming up soon so I can practice. Experience is the key in biz like so many other industries.

So if anyone has time to proof my "stuff" please send me an email because I might need a few pairs of fresh eyes checking in on me around the end of March when I hear it gets even busier.

All is well...and just an hour ago I finally after exhaustive months of searching got my very first geniune Italian leather bag! I know...shocking it too so long but I was searching for something exact, so exact in fact that I think my friend Anna was about to choke me. So it's my birthday and Christmas present to myself all wrapped into one lovely brown leather tote. Yippie for me

. But like a celebrity I won't be posting any photos of my new baby...

Now to explain the photo: this is the first stage of painting a lime white fresco. We chose an image from the 16th century and using a stylist you inscribe the outline of the image into the wet mortar. Then you use the pigment mixed in water to go over the lines and add shading if you like. This serves as the sketch to paint by. We begin painting when break is over. My last one was a bit of a disaster so may be this one will survive.

in the trenches

I'm buried in work, but am completely loving it. The pace here is so much more than the undergrad pace and keeping up is taking most of my time. I have a bit of a break coming up and I hope the weather is good so I can get out and see a little of Florence.

I have a visitor coming, Mike and he is going to help me with my thesis and trip around the city with me. I'm looking forward to seeing someone from home and he does make me smile.

Other than school there isn't much to report. There are lots of fun things happening with friends but no one really has a frame of reference so it might sound kinda silly to retell the stories here. We typically go to a bar, let me rephrase that, dive bar called Angies where we know the owners, and bartender and dj...good times!

I think tonight it's to a place for apertivo (snacks served with the purchase of a drink) with a few friends from my department. So at least now there is a bit of social mixed in with the study.

Yes, I am once again in the library writing this, it's turning into my living room of sorts. Off to find jobs, information and reading until class.

Field trips

It was a big week of excursions for me with the class. First is was CNR which is a research center here in Florence. We got an excellent lecture on cleaning with lasers and I even got to try one out. There was a little video shot but I haven't had time to get it ready to post just yet, it was a busy week.

Then off to Pisa we went to see San Rossore for the first part of the day. Here is the link because it's way too long to retype here. Needless to say it was a fantastic guided tour by one of the restorers.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/67475

Then it was bopping around the city to see a few frescos, oil on wall which is unusual. We did an examination and analysis of sorts, or at least our instructor did.

I feel like I can and should be typing in more detail but I'm kinda exhausted so it's links only right now...sorry...

kinder me silly

So while my friend was visiting she introduced me to the world of Kinder Surprise eggs...what fun! Better than Cracker Jacks in a way because the toys are very cool. Apparently people collect them and it's a big deal here in Europe but I had no idea.

It's the little things sometimes...

Catch up blog

I haven’t had much time to blog lately. The semester seems to have picked up at the same pace the last semester ended…light speed education.

My friend came to visit from Germany, and I’m not sure I’m supposed to mention her name here on my blog so I’ll leave it out and play it safe. We had a fantastic time and the weather was picture perfect. We did dinner with friends before the ballet and then went out to do a little dancing afterwards. A little mystery photo of her that she took by happy accident.

The ballet was…um…interesting. It was the Croatian ballet performing Don Quixote and it really wasn’t what I expected. The primary cast was a bit old and the story wasn’t really Don Quixote in my estimation but it was fun none the less. All 7 of us kinda had the same interpretation when we walked out of the building.

Back to my guest…she was a delight to have around and brought me som fantastic gifts from Germany. The German version of Wondera so I can finally make smooth and perfect gravy! For anyone that knows me…you will understand just how important that really is. More green tea, some candy and fantastic bath stuff. I may end up to be 400 pounds now that I can eat gravy again but I’ll smell good!

During the last 2 weeks I’ve begun the restoration on my painting for one class, begun retouching another and am not working virtually on the computer on both. The simultaneous nature is working out interestingly because I get to see the paintings in such pixel by pixel detail that most restorers never get to see. We put in a 10 straight hour day and I LOVED it! Most everyone was complaining a bit about the length and pace but my years of standing on my feet and dealing with people have kept my stamina up. Sure I was tired but it was a good tired. I have a class in chemistry this time and conservation diagnostics. I am preparing a 20 minute presentation on enzymes and need to come up with a treat to serve after the talk. I am still taking a fresco class and we have a detached fresco to clean that seems to be dated in the late 1400’s or 1500’s. We have very little information on it but it’s a good challenge for us all. The post bacc class also has panels to put together for the end of the year student show that illustrates our work. I’m going to try and get together a slide show with some video to show during that kind of lets people know what exactly we do. Most students at the school hardly know since we work “behind closed doors” most of the time and have nothing to show the world. I had to make a list of the “to-do” things last night to keep track and not forget anything.

My understanding of Italian is still doing fairly well although my “speaking” Italian isn’t really improving much. I think it comes from speaking English all day every day and only really hearing Italian. Either way I’m still picking it up even if it is a slow, slow pace.

Back to the books and catching up on some sleep…

the canvas is set

Insert dramatic music here...I'd put a link but I forgot my headphones today.

We received our projects for the second semester and I am really excited about mine. I've finished the initial examination of the painting, some historical research and now I'm in the process of organizing my report that will take the rest of the semester to complete. I can't show you what I'm working on, all very hush hush ya know, but what I can tell you is that it ROCKS!

I dropped an optional class to have more time to devote to this and possibly another project both in real time mechanics and virtually. Good think Mike let me borrow his gear...

I have a friend from Germany coming to visit this weekend which is very exciting. She is a photographer friend of mine and I'm hoping some of her brilliance will rub off on me. She and I, including some school friends will be attending the ballet. The Croatian ballet is in town doing "Don Quixote" and I think we are going to do dinner before and dancing after. Now I just need to kick this little cold I have going on. I stocked up on cold meds at the pharmacia this morning. Not exactly sure I'm taking the right things but generally speaking it's probably close.

Now back to RGB color monitor research and virtual restoration...

Walk about

Walking the streets of Florence every day is a subtle form of battle especially during "rush hour". The sidewalks are small, the buses are huge and literally get within inches of you, and then add in the vespa zooming by and the cars. It's about activating all your senses so you don't get run over. But I love it! I am so enjoying not having a car, not having to drive or get gas or find a parking space. The only part I miss a little is the music I used to have blasting in the car...other than that I love the battlefield. The sights and sounds, not so much the smells. Let spend a moment on the smells...there is a LOT of dog shit on the street. Apparently that whole pick up after your pet movement hasn't quite made it to mainstream Italian thinking. We have all noticed how much we look down now while walking, which makes you lose sight of the fact you are in Italy...

I wouldn't trade it in...now I am positive that some day I would love to live again in a city where walking is the order of the day and leave the car ownership to someone else. Unless I can get someone to drive me around...that would be great too!

New semester

New Semester just started on Monday...and it's in full swing already. They kept telling us last semester was getting us ready for the "good stuff" and now I to completely believe them. It's only really day 2 of classes for me and I just have to say...My little mind is kinda blown. I'm a little in shock at all the things that we are going to get to do, see and experience in the next 3 months.

I have a virtual restoration project that I'm starting on tonight, research and fiddling and on Friday I get to really take a good look at my full restoration project for the semester. We each get our own painting to work on and I have one that...well...I'm humbled and a little scared for the first time since I've been here. It's kind of a big deal painting...with big deal far reaching applications. It will go on display immediately after I'm done with it...hung...in public...after I've redone it!!! Holy shit...this is real now...

Deep breaths right? So this is me, only a few hours of finding out what I'm going to be working on. A bit...well you decide for yourselves. I can't post any photos of my work until much later but I'm excited and terrified in this moment. I'm sure it will wear off when I finally get to touch it...whoooo hooo...I'm an art restorer!

I think I'll need more than luck...back to the books for me.

Ranch Dressing and such

I had one of my friends Anna bring me back a few packets of Ranch Dressing over the Christmas break from the States. So I mix it up with some yogurt because sour cream doesn't really exist here and I dip a chip in it...and...WHAM...I realize how much I missed the stuff. I actually had forgotten what it tasted like already.
It's not like I ate the stuff every day but I did have on a frequent basis as the kids grew up and enjoyed dipping my pizza in it. I was so shocked at how much I actually missed the taste. I think it also has something to do with the fact that I'm a huge chip and dip fan...

So now I'm rationing my Ranch Dip and have it all figured out to last me at least a couple of months. Sad but true...some things like Ranch Dip and Green Tea just don't have foreign equivalents here in Italy.

So the things I miss slowly fade away and I realize that when I leave here I will have a whole lot more to miss...the cappuccinos here are really fantastic btw.

Visual Journey

Here is my video.

It's been a HUGE learning experience here, about myself and the big world around me. Charlie has been here for almost 3 weeks now and it's going to be sad to see her go. But...I got my new class schedule and I'm excited to get back to work.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic beginning of the New Year and I'll get back to writing this blog soon.