The back story is that my step daughter and husband had a conversation, which I don't have to the details about, where he expressed the unrecoverable status of our relationship in some sad way. The outcome was she sent him a "cheer him up" gift. We had seen this at our most recent trip to Great America and my husband still mourns the death of David Bowie. The gift card said, "oh no love, you are not alone ~B". BTW, love is his pet name for me. Clearly he was feeling alone and sad. I found out that our relations was unrecoverable because I went to use his computer and "found" an email from a friend of ours with a list of divorce attorney recommendations. Honestly, I didn't acquire this information hunting in a devious way, I was using his computer to look up some information for my Grandson, saw a purchase he had made and out of curiosity wanted to know what it was. Saw the receipt in his email and went to look at the description. There in the subject heading in an email was the word divorce, she isn't married so my heart sunk and I clicked the email. The quickest of clicks led to the discovery of the truth, yes it was a violation of privacy which I acknowledge openly.
So here I stand in my kitchen, the landscape has changed and I am devastated with the recent news that my husband thinks our relationship is unrecoverable, has told more than a few people this and he receives a gift. Obviously there is years of story here but my feelings are deeply hurt. My step daughter clearly is not understanding that this situation is effecting us all in the house and that my feeling are raw and sad, that I might also need some support.
So later after careful thought and even more carefully chosen words I decided to write her an email. I think it's important in a relationship to let people know when they have hurt you, truly hurt you. My step daughter also cancelled her attendance to my oldest daughter's baby shower giving out right lies as excuses until my daughter presses to the truth.
My step daughter never responded to the email. My husband however told me that I had no right to write the email. It was none of my business and I had no right to feel hurt.
He then told my 15 year old step son that I sent the email and that I didn't want him to have any joy in his life. Which upset my step son so much that he made the choice not to come to our house. The hits just kept coming. After two weeks of hearing him say that I had no rights I had had enough.
Last night he told me that I was responsible for driving a wedge between my step daughter and I. That my email had done irreparable damage.
Enough was enough. It is simple. For 7 years I have treated him, his Son, Daughter and Mother with kindness, respect, and love. I have given them my patience and dealt with all the situations and problems with fairness. I can't say they have been even ben all that nice to me, and sometimes out right cruel. I have forgiven because I choose forgiveness. I don't wedge, but live a dog's life-today is the day I have. I've made few mistakes and hurt them few times never out of malice or intention.
Last night my husband called my email dumb. A mistake. And I am being burned at the stake.
Absolutely NOT. I told him that he and his daughter might want to consider treating me with a shred of the compassion and kindness that I have shown them. That my feelings are just as valid as theirs and that their opinion of my email is theirs but in no way makes my hurt feeling any less valid. That in no way should they have ever said any of this in front of a 15 year old boy, that I had no right to feel the way I do. Teaching him people's feelings are invalid, bringing him into this is an outright manipulation and a despicable emotional ploy. Their inability to show compassion for my feeling is a reflection of their immaturity of character and testament to if I should or should not have sent an email in the first place. I valued my friendship with my step Daughter and thought that after all this time that her and I could openly share our feelings. I misjudged the stability of that relationship. I did make a mistake, one I will not make again.
Internally, I feel unaffected by his comments. I felt a bit like Wonder Woman or at least the archetype in some way. I made a stand. At the end of the day I am a whole person. I did a lot of years doing personal work and sitting in meditation and I still do. I have an amazing acupuncturist that is working with me now to continue my personal efforts and deal with all this and heighten my experience of meditation. It doesn't mean I don't make mistakes, I certainly do but low level emotional abuse is not going to happen here.
Marriage counseling is tomorrow. Should be interesting. My step Son is coming home today and I'm looking forward to seeing him. We spoke last night in spite of his new step Dad making him get off the phone with me for no reason. Yes, they too are shooting arrows.
Maybe it's time to summons the coven.
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